Don't Cosplay with My Heart Read online

  I have to buy it.

  I take out the emergency credit card and give it to the pink-haired, tattooed girl at the booth. She swipes it and it is declined.

  “Declined, sweetie,” she says. “Got another, or better yet, cash?”

  I don’t have another and I don’t have any cash. Then it hits me. Of course my dad’s emergency credit card isn’t going to work. Nothing is going to work. There is no emergency backup.

  I can’t buy a single thing here.

  The thing is, when your dad’s being sequestered, you don’t really get an allowance anymore. I have been very used to having an allowance or just asking him for money, and now I pretty much have only enough to buy lunch and ride-share back home.

  I turn bright red and quickly put the T-shirt back down on the table. I have to let it go.

  “Can I take your business card? I’ll just order it online,” I say.

  She sweetly hands me a card and then looks at me.

  “Hang on,” she says. She opens up her cashbox and hands me another card. “Enter that secret code when you do and you’ll get a 15 percent discount and free shipping in California.”

  “Thanks,” I say. It is such a genuinely nice thing to do. I can tell that she doesn’t do it for everyone.

  “Anything for you, my liege.” She smiles as she does the hand flourish.

  I tug at my Gargantua costume. It’s certainly been my good-luck charm in my growing bad situation.

  I check my phone and realize that it’s almost time to go up to catch the Team Tomorrow panel.

  I weave my way through the thickening crowd and head to the main hall and up the escalator to where the panels are taking place. And gasp! There is a line that goes all the way around and back again several times.

  “Is this for Team Tomorrow?” I ask no one in particular.

  “Good luck getting in,” I’m told by someone dressed as Rey from Star Wars: The Force Awakens who is walking away from the line. “I’m going to go to a different panel.”

  I stare at the line. It is very long. It wraps and wraps and curves and goes all the way down the hall. I can’t even see the end of it. I’m surprised and then I’m not. I always thought that Team Tomorrow was my own private thing. That somehow it was this obscure fandom that no one else liked like I did. But of course it’s not. It’s huge. And today is the first day that the whole cast is going to be together talking about the film. It shouldn’t surprise me that the panel is going to be crazy packed.

  But, still, the size of the crowd leaves me gobsmacked.

  “Edan!” I hear my name being called. “There you are!”

  I turn, and in the thick of the line, at a place that is sure to get in, I see Yuri and his friends Phil and Tze.

  “I told you the bathroom line would be long, girl,” Yuri says and then waves to me to come over and join them.

  I look behind me and then to the people in the line.

  “Excuse me,” I say. “I gotta get to my boyfriend.”

  I smile a little as I say boyfriend, because it’s a wish, not the truth.

  “Tough. No cuts,” says a weird alien from a film or TV show I don’t recognize.

  “Edan!” Yuri says. He points at me. She’s with me, he mouths to the weird alien.

  “Coming,” I say.

  The alien doesn’t budge and then raises a hand to block me.

  “Look, it’s my time of the month and this costume took forever to undo. Cut me a break, won’t you?” I say.

  “Come on,” a lady dressed as Tri Star, Team Tomorrow’s newest team member, says to the alien. “It’s one person.”

  Tristar pulls my arm so I can make it through the line.

  “Thanks,” I say.

  “No problem, my liege,” Tri Star says.

  I hurry my way over to Yuri and he immediately puts his arm around my waist.

  “Hey, honey,” he says, making a big show to the weird alien, like I really am his girlfriend. “You made it.”

  “Thanks,” I say. “I really wanted to see this panel.”

  “I didn’t know you were such a big Team Tomorrow fan,” Yuri says. “That’s so unexpectedly cool.”

  “I am a big fan,” I say. “I like lots of things, but they are the best.”

  “What did Eldorado say to Gargantua on Planet Genghis?” Phil cuts in on my moment with Yuri.

  “What?” I ask.

  “So you don’t know?” Phil says with a smirk.

  Yuri gives me a look to go with it, or maybe it’s a look that is him waiting for the answer, too, I can’t tell. So I just go with it because they are his friends and he got me this place in line ensuring that I would get into the panel.

  “No, I do know. Gargantua said, ‘The thought of tomorrow is what we see today,’ ” I say. “But why would you ask me that?”

  “How many different outfits has Gargantua had?” Tze asks.

  I start to protest again, but Yuri’s hand sort of touches my arm, kind of calming me, kind of saying that he thinks his friends are being dumb, too. So I let go of the flare of anger that could make me go Gargantua full size and just start thinking, Oh my gosh, Yuri is touching me.

  I want to kick myself a little bit, because I am fully aware that I am being swayed by the touch of a cute boy. That’s not how I was raised or how I feel, but now that I’m in the moment, with Yuri touching me, I kind of can’t help myself. I feel a little bit soft inside. I wonder if that’s why Gargantua had to get away from Green Guarder. He made her feel less sure of herself? Less large. I feel both vulnerable and large. It’s very dizzying. So instead of saying, No, I’m not going to answer these stupid questions, I open my mouth and answer.

  “Five,” I say before I do a proper count in my head.

  Yuri starts to say something, but I interrupt him, holding up my hand to shush him. “Unless you count her clones, then seven.”

  We both smile.

  “Who is Freego?” Tze asks.

  “Green Guarder’s time-lost son,” I say. “Why are you asking me these things?”

  I’ve had enough of the quizzing.

  “Just checking,” Phil says.

  “Come on, guys,” Yuri says. Then he touches my arm again and turns to face me with his cute-as-all-get-out face. “I guess you are a real fan.”

  “Of course I’m a real fan,” I say. “I’m standing here at a comic book convention wearing a freaking Gargantua costume!”

  “You could be faking it,” Tze says, shrugging like it’s still unclear if I’m a real fan or not.

  I let it slide, because I don’t know what exactly they are getting at, especially as they are dressed in jeans and T-shirts (not even Team Tomorrow T-shirts!) and I am standing in front of them wearing purple spandex tights with silver stitching and a black G painted across my chest and a mask.

  “Hardly,” I say. “Besides, I imagine that everyone standing here in this ridiculously long line at Angeles Comic Con is a real fan.”

  “Maybe not her,” Yuri says, pointing to a girl wearing a very revealing costume. “She’s probably not really a fan.”

  Honestly, I can’t tell what she’s supposed to be. A sexy fairy? A maybe medieval lady? An elf?

  “Well, she’s a fan of something,” I say. “Maybe that’s her D&D character or someone from a YA book that we haven’t read. They are all real fans.”

  “I’m a fan of all the skin I’m seeing right now,” Tze says.

  “Oh my gosh, Tze,” I say. “Quit it.”

  “Ha, ha, ha,” he says.

  The boys punch each other on the shoulders. I crinkle my brow, wondering if I should say something more in defense of the girl, of all girls, really.

  “Don’t listen to them,” Yuri says to me, his fingers squeezing me just a little, and I flutter. “They’ve just never seen this many ladies looking that good all at once.”

  “There are good-looking girls at school,” I say as they open the door and the line starts to shift.

  “Fair point,” Phil says.

  “But it’s fantasy central here,” Tze says. “Doesn’t compare.”

  “Well, just don’t be a jerk about it,” I say, finally finding a little bit of my voice again. “These girls are having their fan fun just like you are.”

  They all laugh with me. Or maybe it’s actually at me. I can’t really tell. But I put the thought away for the moment because the line starts to move and everyone is focused on getting in the room and getting seats. Yuri’s arm is still around me, and it makes me feel pretty good. I wonder if he knows that he’s still touching me. I am hyperaware of it.

  He only lets go of me when we are settled in our seats. Then, Yuri and his friends start quizzing one another on Team Tomorrow, trying to one-up one another, and I guess that’s the way it goes. It makes me feel a bit better about the quizzing they did to me, and I even jump in every once in a while when one of them gets stumped, and it’s pretty fun. The weird moment that I felt before passes.

  I feel like I’m one of the group.

  Like I found my team.

  Keisha Johnson, the director of Team Tomorrow, takes the stage and the whole room bursts into applause, except the boys surrounding me.

  “Just look how cool she is,” I say. She’s standing on the side of the podium, laughing with the guy who is probably the film executive. He’s kind of a thin, nervous white guy. She is a beautiful black woman. Her hair is piled up in a bunch of braids on top of her head. She’s wearing big, chunky jewelry and the Team Tomorrow shirt that I wanted, only hers is bedazzled.

  As though she wasn’t already, she’s immediately my hero.

  “Fashion goals,” I say.

  “She does look hot. But the real test is whether or not the movie holds up, don’t you think?” Yuri says.


  Of course he has a point. Still, I ignore him.

  “It must be so cool to flesh out characters that people love so much and bring them to the screen,” I say.

  Keisha Johnson started with an indie film that won the audience award at Sundance. After that, she was given the reins for a larger studio picture, an all-female reboot of the 1980s film Sneakers. That’s when her career took off and she did an action war thriller and then a huge ghost story and now she’s finally doing her first comic book movie.

  “I just hope she doesn’t mess it up,” Phil leans over and says to the others. “I don’t know why they got her to direct this movie.”

  I know I heard Phil say it, but I can’t believe I heard it. It’s like a bucket of ice was thrown on me. I freeze even more when Tze and Yuri groan in agreement.

  I’m trying in my mind to figure out what they are so worried about. Keisha Johnson’s known for big-budget action movies. She’s a professional with box office megahits under her belt. Every interview I’ve read since my bingeing on everything Team Tomorrow assures me that she knows the characters and the team well and has a vision. Personally, I’m not worried. I know that she’s going to do an amazing job. I just feel it in my bones.

  “As long as things blow up and the action scenes are cool, then it’s all good,” Yuri says. I notice Yuri kind of glancing at me and checking my face, which I am trying to hold in a neutral position as I try to sort out the sexism I’m hearing happening around me. I realize it’s not just Phil. As I listen, I hear other groups around me saying the same kinds of things.

  What is wrong with them?

  Yuri can tell that I’m going to lose it and he’s trying to calm me down. He puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me in.

  “Of course she’s going to blow things up, and of course it’s going to be good,” I say to him. I hate that I sound like I’m pouting, but sometimes it seems like sincere insistence comes off sounding false.

  “Well, you never know,” Yuri says. “I mean, there are plenty of comic book movies that just kind of suck.”

  His saying that makes me feel both better and worse. He’s not wrong. There are plenty of films that seem like they are going to be good and then are terrible. You watch the trailer and you are blown away, and pfffffft, you go opening weekend, and fifteen minutes in, it is a major yawn.

  I glance over at Keisha Johnson and the moderator, who are taking photographs. A man who looks like a studio publicist is coordinating the whole thing and he keeps looking at his phone, to keep things on schedule. There are a few more minutes before the panel officially starts; you can feel the fan buzz in the room, which is so crowded that the volunteers are asking people to raise their hands if they have an empty seat next to them, as there are people looking for seats and even waiting to get into the room.

  I sit quietly as Yuri and Phil and Tze start talking about all the comic book movies that they hate and how they were ruined, and they start listing all of these film directors who totally messed them up and how these other filmmakers would have done better. Even though some of the filmmakers they recommend are people who messed up some of the movies they are talking about. It’s like a circular illogical argument where everyone is right and if you disagree, then you are stupid.

  I keep my mouth shut, and a part of me leans away from them because with Phil leading the way, they are being embarrassing and I’m afraid people around me might think I agree with them.

  I’m about to reach my boiling point and say something, but then the audience bursts into applause as Keisha Johnson walks to the podium and the panel formally starts.

  Keisha Johnson starts talking about the comic book and how it influenced her growing up.

  “There is a rich history with Team Tomorrow. Jeanne Bernier was a pioneer in comics. The fact that she was suppressed by her husband and had to fight her whole life for co-ownership of the characters she created is a fascinating story in and of itself.”

  She talks about representation, citing the character Magnetic Pole as a personal hero.

  “I saw myself in Magnetic Pole, a young, strong black woman who had the power to change where north pointed. That was what I aspired to do with my career.”

  She talks about writing the script and how many different versions they had before they settled on the story they wanted to tell.

  When superhero movies are made, they usually go for the broadest, easiest-to-follow story.

  Studios must consider many factors to make a successful transition from page to screen. Which team lineup was the movie going to have? Which universe would it be set in? Original? Pre-Schism? Schism II? Reborn? New Galaxy? Starting Point?

  The WC had rebooted Team Tomorrow a million times.

  You could ask many different fans which their favorite incarnation of Team Tomorrow was, and you would get a different answer every time.

  The hardest thing for any studio is to minimize spoilers while doling out enough information about a film to hook the fans.

  Everything about the Team Tomorrow film must be shrouded in secrecy.

  “There are so many ways that we could have gone with Team Tomorrow, so many favorite story arcs. We can’t do everything in a two-hour film, but I think you’ll like where we start.”

  “Blah, blah, blah,” Phil mutters.

  “Shh,” I say. I want to hear more. I’ve been deep-diving into Team Tomorrow, reading all about its creators and the team history. You can really fall into a wormhole once you start, and every new tidbit I get is like a new piece of golden information about the hearts of the characters I love.

  “Do you want to meet the team?” Keisha Johnson asks the audience.

  We all scream.

  “Do you want to see what tomorrow looks like?” she asks the audience.

  We are whipped up into a frenzy.

  Keisha Johnson waves her hands to quiet us down.

  “Let me introduce you,” she says, “to your Team Tomorrow!”

  The actors come on stage as she calls them up one by one. I am amongst the first people to get up on my feet. I am clapping and hooting and whistling and screaming.

  Green Guarder! Tri Star! Magnetic Pole! Gargantua! Lady Bird! Split Second!

  When the woman playing Gargantua comes out, for a moment I gasp. Of course I’d seen pictures on the web, but when I see her in person, just wearing civilian clothes, I know she’s perfect. Tall, muscular, not too beautiful, not too plain. She is absolutely perfect.

  The actors wave and smile as they take their seats.

  I immediately wonder why certain characters aren’t there. I wonder if they are keeping any characters secret. I wonder what story they are going to tell. I have my ideas based on who is on the stage, but you can never tell. They swap out story lines all the time in comic book movies, giving plot elements to a different character. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t.

  The host from Nerdist, wearing an amazing Lady Bird–inspired dress, leads a panel discussion with the team. The actors are charming and fun and laughing and they know the characters really well. They start a slide show that clicks along and shows a bunch of concept art slides, and the actors answer questions about their characters coyly. They can’t say anything and they don’t want to spoil anything.

  “All I can tell you, it’s going to be fun, right, Gargantua?” the actor playing Green Guarder says, looking coyly at the actress playing Gargantua at the other side of the podium.

  The way they are joking and flirting, it seems as though they are going to restart the love story between Green Guarder and Gargantua, which is one of my least favorite runs of Team Tomorrow.

  I like it when she becomes the villain. When she gets her minions. When she tries to fix the time rip of tomorrow on her own. When she gets the world to call her my liege.

  “What?” I say. “Barf. Did they just hint at a love story? Between good and evil?”

  I always felt that Gargantua and Green Guarder weren’t a perfect match. He’s too good. She’s too complex. It could never really work. I liked it better when Gargantua went full evil and had an affair with Split Second. Split Second, pure evil, always bringing them back to their first kiss in a loop.

  Green Guarder just loved and loved and loved her. Through all of time. Once, he even went back all the way to the first moment and punched the universe so it would go one way and not another just to spare her more pain and misery. He loved her that much. I don’t know that I believe in that kind of grand gesture.