Don't Cosplay with My Heart Read online

Once the door closes behind him, my mom rushes straight to her room. Grandma Jackie sits herself at the kitchen table, nursing a cold cup of coffee. I hover by the closed door, like I can see through it, watching the car that is leaving, driving down the road, all the way to the uncertain future that is ours. I want to be able to see into tomorrow.

  “Well, what kinds of plans do you have for today?” Grandma Jackie asks, breaking the silence, trying to keep things normal.

  “I think I’m going to go back to bed,” I say.

  “I think you should go take a walk,” she says. “It’s a beautiful day.”

  “I don’t think so,” I say. “Mom went back to bed, so I think I can go into a cave, too.”

  Grandma Jackie stares at me for a good long moment, and then she digs into her purse and gives me a twenty-dollar bill.

  “I need you to run an errand for me,” she says. “Go to the Sunday farmers’ market down the street and pick up some fresh flowers. This house could use some color.”

  I weigh the situation. I could ignore her and go to the family room, turn off all the lights, and keep playing video games. That would be a compromise of a kind. I wouldn’t be going back to bed, I’d be doing something. Or I could take her money, take the walk, and use the change to buy myself a coffee. Because I know that I don’t have an allowance anymore. I don’t have money. And this is going to be it if I want to ever go out and get a cappuccino again.

  It’s not unlike when Gargantua, in the battle of the North and South (Team Tomorrow issues 52–58) punched Magnetic Pole so hard that her polarity reversed and she became unable to navigate, going down when she wanted to go up. Going east when she wanted to go west. It wreaked havoc on all of her teammates during a few fights and she had to be grounded. It’s one of the reasons Gargantua had to leave. After her family was wiped out of time, she couldn’t find north. No one could.

  I accept the money without saying a word and pad up to my room to put my clothes on.

  There is always time to play games and become darker. A little time in the sun won’t change that.

  It didn’t change Gargantua. She still went dark no matter how much Green Guarder tried to bring her into the sun.

  Being outside doesn’t make me feel any better. Standing in the middle of the flower tent surrounded by color and smell doesn’t make me feel better. Drinking a double doesn’t make me feel better.

  The only thing that saves the day is a text from Kasumi asking me for a Skype chat.

  Do you know how good it feels to see your best friend’s face when you are feeling low? So good. My heart is lifted by her voice. Her head looks small on my screen, but she is a sight for sore eyes.

  “How is Japan?” I ask, sitting at one of the temporary pop-up table tents at the market.

  “Oh, it’s the best,” she says. “I blew my manga and anime budget in two days. And I’ve taken a ton of great pictures.”

  Kasumi is a great photographer. She is in Japan because her dad, a cinematographer, is shooting a movie there and took the whole family for summer vacation. After our initial hellos and blowing kisses and her telling me all about Japan (I want to go there one day) and the movie and the crush she has on one of the girls in the crew, she asks about me.

  “Wait, why are you wearing that mask?” she asks.

  “I’m trying to pull together a Gargantua costume for Angeles Comic Con,” I say. I’d forgotten that I was wearing it.

  “Oh my gosh, jealous!” she says. “We should be going to that together.”

  “I figured I’d check it out for us,” I say.

  “So you’re going to cosplay?” she asks. “I’d like to cosplay. I’d maybe be Katana or Gamora or Wonder Woman.”

  “You’d look great as all of those,” I say.

  “Wait,” she says. “I thought you were going to be out of town for it when I mentioned it to you?”

  “I’m not now,” I say. “Stuff happened.”

  “What?” she asks. I shake my head. I watch as a cat walks across the desk in front of her. And then I realize that I don’t want to say it.

  “It’s nothing,” I say.

  She opens her eyes wide and makes a face. She knows me too well. You can’t hide anything from your best friend, especially when you’ve known each other since fourth grade. She knows everything about my face and all of my tells. Not even this mask can cover up the way I purse my mouth.

  “Stuff,” I say. “My dad had to go away. So the summer is kind of messed up.”

  “What’s up?” she asks. “Are they separating or something?”

  “Something like that,” I say. Which in Kasumi’s mind means yes. I don’t correct her, because my parents separating is way more understandable than my dad being sequestered because the entertainment payroll company he works for may or may not have done something shady and there might be a trial. I don’t tell her that I feel a dread in the pit of my stomach that I can’t get rid of.

  “Oh, man, Edan, I’m so sorry,” she says.

  I am glad I am wearing the mask so that she can’t see I’m about to cry.

  “It totally sucks. My mom is a wreck. My grandma Jackie is here taking care of us.”

  Kasumi puts her arms out to hug the camera.

  “Virtual hug,” she says. “Virtual hugs.”

  I lift my arms up to hug her back. Somehow, even though her arms are thousands of miles away, the very act of the virtual hug does make me feel better.

  “So instead I’m going to be doing stuff around here,” I say. “It’s all right.”

  I make it sound like I’m really busy, even though everyone seems to be mostly away for the summer doing something. The people who are in town, like Yuri Ross, who I have a crush on, and the Ferrar twins, Joss and Gwen, have asked me to do stuff, but I can’t afford to do the things they want to do, so I just keep brushing them off to the point where I’m sure they’ve pretty much given up on me.

  “Well, you know who’s a big nerd? Yuri! You should ask to go to Angeles Comic Con with him,” Kasumi says.

  I look at her like I’m pretend shocked that she knows who my biggest crush is. I have been crushing on him from afar all sophomore year. I call him “the glancer” because even though we barely speak to each other, he glances at me a lot in class.

  “I don’t know that I can just ask him,” I say. “We don’t know him that well.”

  “Sure you can!” Kasumi says. She’s one million times braver than I am. “He posted online that he was going. His mom is on a panel or something. He has a spare badge that he’s been trying to get rid of for weeks.”

  “Oh, yeah,” I say. I remember seeing that.

  “I’m so glad I don’t like boys,” Kasumi says.

  Then Kasumi and I troubleshoot a bunch of ways that I could approach Yuri and still seem cool and not desperate. We settle on me sending a casual text the day of the convention. Like, Hey there, I’m here.

  “I’m most excited because there is going to be a Team Tomorrow panel, with the director and cast.”

  “Get out!” Kasumi says. And even though she really only likes the cartoon and never really crossed over to reading the comic books, she starts doing a little dance in front of the screen. That’s what friends do. They comfort you. They know you. And I wish I weren’t lying and that Kasumi were here and not thousands of miles away and in a different time zone so that we could have a sleepover and I could tell her the truth.

  I want to pretend for just a little longer that everything is exactly the same as it is supposed to be.

  That my life is right side up and not upside down.

  For a while, Team Tomorrow had slipped from an A comic to a C comic. It was mostly forgotten in the mid-sixties. It had a core audience that continued to read it regularly, but it was not as popular as DC or Marvel titles. But in the late 1980s, it was acquired and optioned and made into a morning cartoon. The cartoon lasted two seasons but was notable for having in its animation pedigree some of the most important creators in their first jobs.

  Nearly every animator who worked on the show went on to create some of the most beloved cartoons on the air today. Because of this, and the general high quality of the animation and before-its-time risks the show took, it became available on streaming services. The emotional wit, clever puns, and brilliant drawing brought Team Tomorrow to a whole new generation. One that was ready for it.

  This cemented the resurgence of the team, which had never gone away but had not yet come into its own.

  A week after my dad is sequestered, I ride-share over to the convention center, wearing my makeshift Gargantua costume. I look pretty decent for someone who pulled the costume together from my closet in just a few days. They call that closet cosplay. Still, it’s nothing compared to some of the costumes I see when I exit the car.

  I thank the driver and then tug on my costume, as though somehow that will magically make it better. I know I could probably up my game next time. If there is a next time.

  “My liege.” A lady wearing a Team Tomorrow shirt flourishes a bow to me. She addresses me as though I really am Gargantua, saluting me like one of her henchmen, and that makes me feel like I’m really ten feet tall.

  I smile. My first in days.

  This is good, I think.

  When I get there, I text Yuri, in my opinion the cutest boy ever. I have had the text ready since I talked with Kasumi. We crafted it to be casual and forward.

  Hey. It’s Edan Kupferman. I’m outside at Angeles Comic Con. Any chance you still have that extra badge?

  While I wait for him to text me back, I sit on a tree planter and take in the scene.

  There is a steady stream of nerds (my people) and cosplayers filing into the convention center. Even those who aren’t cosplaying their favori
te character pretty much have some kind of nerdy T-shirt or dress on. There is not one kind of geekery that is not represented. There are comic book geeks. Sci-fi geeks. Fantasy geeks. Science geeks. Vampire geeks. Goth geeks. Time travel geeks. History geeks. Horror geeks. Tabletop gamer geeks. RPG geeks. Video game geeks. Space enthusiast geeks. Every. Kind. Of. Geek.

  A few more people pass me by and give me the little Team Tomorrow my liege bow with a flourish.

  Gargantua is ten feet tall. And people have to look up to her. In my life, people usually look down to me because I am only four feet ten. It’s a relief to be here, as her, and to be bowed to since I don’t want to be myself. It’s as though I feel myself growing in her skin.

  My phone pings. It’s a message from Yuri.

  Edan! Ahhhhhh! Someone else snagged it. I would have totally given it to you.

  “Crap,” I say to no one in particular.

  Cool, I type back. I’ll figure it out.

  Try to buy one. Text me when you get in. :D

  I head up to the ticket kiosk and wait in line. And I’m looking at the prices. Seventy-five dollars for the weekend. Twenty-five dollars for the day.

  I step up to the window and take out my dad’s emergency credit card.

  “One weekend badge,” I say.

  “Sorry, honey,” the woman in the yellow volunteer T-shirt says. “We’re all sold out.”

  “What about for today only?” I ask.

  She shakes her head.

  “Then what is this line for?” I ask.

  “People who are having trouble accessing their bar code,” she says. “Mostly I get asked where the bathrooms are.”

  I whip off my mask to press my eyes to stop tears from flowing. I’m so close to my goal and so far away. To make things worse, it seems like things could go really well with Yuri if I could just get inside the convention.

  “You’re going to have to move along,” the woman says. “You’re holding up the line.”

  “Hey, don’t I go to school with you?” I hear an unfamiliar voice ask as I step off to the side of the line.

  I look up and shade my eyes. It’s a guy around my age who I don’t recognize. His hair is dark and a little too long, like Han Solo at any age, or hero-in-a-1970/80s-movie longish. His eyes are so dark that you can’t tell where the brown begins and the cornea starts. He is wearing a Team Tomorrow T-shirt I’ve never seen before, and it is so worn out and full of holes that it must be original vintage.

  I want it.

  “Marshall High?” I ask.

  He nods. I nod.

  “I guess so,” I say.

  “I was in your history class. Mr. Martinez. I came in halfway through the year,” he said.

  I look at him again.

  “I needed a change,” he says as though that explains it.

  Then I shrug. I don’t care about when he came to school. I’ve got a bucketful of troubles of my own.

  “You going in?” he asks, flipping his thumb at the convention center.

  “I don’t have a badge,” I say. “I thought I had a hookup, but I don’t. And it’s sold out.”

  “Has been for months. It’s a hot ticket.”

  “Perfect. My summer is turning out just perfect.”

  “You really have to plan for these things,” he says. “Comic Cons are very popular.”

  “Well, I am figuring that out. And now that I have, my day is ruined,” I complain. I blink a few times, because when I say my day is ruined, I mean I feel as though my life is ruined. “So I’m just going to leave and go back to my evil lair.”

  He laughs and then cocks his head to the side and looks at me.

  “Gargantua wouldn’t be bummed about it,” he says after a moment of sizing me up. “She’d just storm the place.”

  “Yeah,” I say. “My powers are kind of depleted right now.”

  He looks at me again, and this time when he does, it’s like he’s using some kind of X-ray vision to look right inside of me. Like he sees that I’m sad. That something is wrong. That I could use a break.

  “It’s your lucky day,” he says. “My mom bailed on me today so I’ve got an extra badge.”

  “Seriously?” I ask.

  “Yeah,” he says. Then he pulls out two badges from his man bag, puts one on himself, and offers the other one to me. “You are now Flora Gomez.”

  “I can’t pay you back,” I say.

  “Come on, my liege,” he says as he cocks his head to motion for me to follow him to the convention center.

  Part of me is like No way. I’m not going into a convention center with a boy I might have been in a class with who is definitely a stranger. Then the other part of me is like Whatever. Gargantua never said no to an adventure. And besides, the more I look at him, the more he does look familiar. And besides, he’s helping me out just when I need a miracle. Team Tomorrow always says that help for today might have come from yesterday. This feels like one of those kind of moments.

  Then he sticks out his hand. “Hi, I’m Kirk Gomez.”

  “Hi, I’m Edan Kupferman,” I say.

  “Edan,” he says. “That’s right. I remember now.”

  “Thanks,” I say, shaking my badge, which is now around my neck. “You really saved the day.”

  “No problem,” he says.

  When we get inside to the lobby of the very crowded convention center, I wonder if I’m going to be obliged to hang out with him, but before I can make some excuse like I have to go to the bathroom so I can ditch him, he looks at me sheepishly.

  “So I gotta go ’cause there is something I have to do, and then there’s a panel I want to see that I want to get a seat for. So if it’s cool, I’m going to ditch you.”

  “Yeah,” I say, relieved at his candor. “It’s cool.”

  “Cool,” he says. “Have a good time at the show, Edan. See you at school.”

  “Yeah,” I say.

  Then he pivots and sprints up the escalator and I am free to wander the convention on my own.

  I glance around the lobby, and I’m overwhelmed. It really is like I’ve stepped through a door. Like I’m in Oz. Or Wonderland. Or another planet. There are colors and flashing lights and sounds. There are costumes galore. There are people with bags full to the brim with toys and books and stuff. The exhibition floor is packed and the dealer tables are filled with a million things that I want to buy. Cute nerdy girl T-shirts. Adorable action figures. Must-have plushies. Rad posters. Original fan art. Ephemera of all sorts. Geek chic clothing.

  Maybe putting together this Gargantua costume channeled her luck for me a little bit.

  Gargantua is magical like that. Always willing people to do what she wants. Always getting what she needs just when you think it is all over for her. Always growing ten feet tall when she needs to.

  I put my mask back on and immediately feel better about everything.

  I go from booth to booth to booth, fingering all the things I want, taking business cards from the dealers so I can later order online some of the amazing but really expensive stuff I am finding. I imagine how great I’ll look at school in all of the Team Tomorrow dresses I would get. But it’s not just Team Tomorrow that has me smitten. It’s everything. It’s like I’ve cracked open a part of myself that has been there all along. I rediscover fandoms I am already a fan of.

  I’ve been a nerd my whole life, but never embraced it fully. It never crossed my mind to pursue it, so I’ve never been to a con before. And now that I’m at one, I don’t know how I will ever stop going to them.

  These are my people.

  Knowing that makes me feel slightly better, no matter how much fun I’m missing by not being on a trip near a body of water somewhere or not being able to fully hang out with my friends here in the city. If I had done either of those, I’d be missing out on this. This magical wonderful thing. This thing that Kasumi and I should have been coming to for years.

  Everyone I talk to says this a medium-size convention, but the place feels enormous and there is a seemingly endless number of things to see and do.

  I love that I get all the little inside jokes and T-shirt quotes. Chewie Is My Copilot. Keep Calm and Call Kamala Khan. Team Bella Dumps Them Both and Goes to College. My Other Car Is a TARDIS.

  But my favorite, my absolute favorite, is from Team Tomorrow. Tomorrow Is only Yesterday to Today.